Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
