the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
