We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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