She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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