Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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