Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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