there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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