We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
