I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
