We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
