OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
