Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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