why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
