he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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