I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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