I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
