I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
