I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
