loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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