what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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