i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
