I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
