no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
