OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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