I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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