there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I intend to get homeless drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
