I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
