Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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