i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
tell me about the eggs
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