I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
