He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
