bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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