sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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