I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
