I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
