i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
