So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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