sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
