Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
