I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
