What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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