we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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