is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
