OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
