im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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