we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
