There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
