just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
