GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
