I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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