we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
