drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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